Not Good

I'm not doing too hot. Yesterday I weighed in at 312 pounds. Today it was 309. I don't think I'm going to reach my goal of being under 300 pounds by midnight.

Fortunately I have a fallback plan. I am getting ready to start a diet using a revolutionary new product that both cleanses and promotes weight loss. I can't wait to start! Once I prove that it works, I'll let you in on the secret so that you can succeed too. But as of now I have no idea if it is all hype or if it really works. I should know in 30 days.